Life Cubed

"We don't have a lot of time on this earth. We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements".

Peter Gibbons


So true! I have spent more time than I care to admit residing in my dinky cubicle doing exactly that. I admit that I don't have 8 bosses, but only two. Cubicles are to offices as mobile homes are to housing. Managers get their own BIG cubicle to work in, maybe even a window. So lucky they are. The corporate life matches the decor. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to be working these days but I wonder for how long? How long before my company is sold, bought out or bankrupted?

I work for a large telecom firm that has been tightening it's belt for quite some time now, at least for the time I've been here. It's painfully obvious they could do things so much better, yet they won't listen to any suggestions seriously, and the only advice they do attempt to listen to is making staff fill out those idiotic corporate surveys which get talked about and forgotten within a few months. My fellow co-workers and I proposed a work from home plan, that would actually save money. Unfortunately, it was poo-pooed as being "too expensive". Corporate ran a "Going Green" campaign, which spefiically mentions work from home. I responded in kind. The reply? "The final decision is up to your local management". Pure fucking GENIUS!!!

The building I work in is for sale. Plans are in place to then lease space back for our cubicles. We were shuffled off the 26th floor, down to the 5th floor. Doesn't sound like much, until you look out the window. Before there were stunning views of downtown Seattle, and Elliot Bay to at least help you cope with cubicle life. I got to watch some killer fireworks from the Space Needle, reflected upon Lake Union. Now it's Gordon Biersch and alot of concrete walls, if you can see through the thick layers of crud on the windows that hasn't been cleaned since we've moved, a year and a half ago. Due do the shakey economy, it has not sold, with one agreement falling through. So, here we sit, not too unlike turds in a big ol toilet bowl, waiting to be flushed at some point down the line.

Now I know what Milton felt like being shipped down to the basement and assigned rodent control duties.

I find it rather humorous, if not aggravating that I have a 50 mile round trip commute that at times is fraught with nasty weather and usually includes shitty traffic on the clearest sunny day to do a job that is done 100% remotely, off premise. All I need is a high speed connection, computer and phone and I am good to go. Pretty much what I have right now in my teeny tiny cubicle. I don't need to be sitting on a beach like commercials show their customers doing. Working in a home office seems to make more sense to me. I NEVER see my customers or their equipment, rarely do I see any of the field techs that I dispatch. Funny, I can say nearly the same thing about my boss, who has a nice big cubicle with a corner window just down the hall from me!

So, as I try and wade through all of this be ready for more writings from the cube. As I look for work elsewhere, to escape the rat race. Call 'em modern day cave drawings. Call it therapy.

More to follow....

Bloody April

April 20th is looming.


It makes me wonder what is going to happen. The ugliness on display over the last year turns my stomach to even think about it. Racism is alive and well in America. Cursing and spitting on public servants, one whom walked with Martin Luther King Jr. A man who stood up and got mowed down for social justice.

...And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man.

Sarah Palin putting shooting targets on a map of Democratic Senators, distorting "Death Panels", yapping about teleprompters while writing talking points on her hand. This woman is such a PHONY, it amazes me that anyone could possibly believe anything she has to say. All you have to do is agree with her and the lies/facts make absolutely no difference. This kind of Conservatism is a blight, nay cancer on our society. There is no way we would survive with that kind of mantra. It's all lies, built on hypocrisy and denial. Obama could cure cancer, and Sarah would scold him for it.

"..you are entitled to your own set of opinions, but you are not entitled to your own set of facts"

Al Franken

I'm all for standing on my own two feet. Been doing it all my adult life. I'm also for having a soft place to land if I get knocked off my two feet. Before health care reform, our system was a travesty where the rules and regulations were made by those who ran the insurance industry. Profiting in such a way off of my health while getting rid of those who are not healthy is the ultimate evil to me. Out of a moral responsibility we have to our fellow citizens. Our Constitution provides for the general welfare of it's citizens, if having basic medical care does not qualify as that, then what does?

It galls me to see cons and neo-cons all of a sudden take interest in the Constitution when it comes to taxes and "big government" after ignoring it when the 1st, 4th, 6th, 8th and 9th Amendments were so thoroughly trampled and trod upon by our previous administration. The outrage for those here to fix the massive problems pales in comparison to those who actually led us here.

Apparently, the opposition to health care reform prefers private insurance getting in between you and your doctor and not covering you for anything deemed pre-existing. What is your recourse? Ever try shopping for health care outside of your job? What if you wanted to start a small business? All of our money goes to them and we get very little in return and it only gets worse if we do nothing about it.

Why should my ability to be covered by reasonable insurance depend upon my employment with a large corporation? The system is totally unfair! Yet morons are screaming "Socialism"!! when a good lot of them receive some sort of government assistance in one form or another. Good lord people, your ignorance is showing for all to see! Please refrain from calling yourself a "Christian Nation". Words and actions do not match.

But mostly, what I find extremely affronting is the notion that the US Govt is designed to cut a profit like a corporation when in fact it was designed to protect my rights and from the likes of big corporations. They have a very shakey history in my opinion, where they used to choose to do as they please, pay very little, profit very mightily for the good of no one. Now they have the same rights as citizens when it comes to political campaign donations, thanks to our Supreme Court. I wish I had the kind of deep resources a corporation does so my voice can be heard.

Go back a century and you will know why people like Teddy Roosevelt came up with the idea of an Estate Tax. He knew the perils of the concentration of wealth on society. There are examples repeating all through history. When a very small percentage of the population owns most of the wealth, bad things happen.

I feel our government has been turned into a corporation. That everything has a price, including my health. I don't believe the Reagan philosophy about big government. It has to be big so it can be far reaching and can actually do good where corporations fall far short. Our history is full of examples of such, yet they go ignored in the argument over profit. It's not perfect, but we got time to make things right.

With these rampaging thoughts in my mind, I shudder for this country when I look back at Aprils past and consider what could possibly happen before this one is over. The Michigan Christian Militia group looking to shoot at police? Amazingly enough, white folk make killer terrorists too. They just read from a different book. Even more astonishing is knowing what Jesus had to say in the limited time we got to know him, would totally and completely contradict this kind of behavior towards our brothers and sisters.

I do support the health care reform effort. I think it can be better, it needs more work. I do not support the bloody violence that always seems to accompany our quest for social justice. The first April since it passed will be telling. I pray for peace. If you lost the election, well then that's just how it goes. If you win, you can make the rules. I would expect some type of cooperation for those that didn't for the good of the country more than the good of one's party.

Please people, get informed, listen to all opinions and have some patience because we all have to live here. Different or same, that's just the way it is. It's not a reason to hate, harm or kill each other.

Clark

He's a good boy. Loyal, loving and a wonderful friend. He has a way to soothe souls, calm nerves and bring joy that no one else can. He loves life and still plays like a puppy. His warm, brown eyes gaze at you and melts your heart, especially when they are peering over the edge of your plate. He's alert to any sound that comes from the kitchen, either the clatter of their food dishes or the unscrewing of the peanut butter jar.

He lives in the moment, today. Right now. Tomorrow doesn't even occur to him, until it arrives. His stomach clock is set to 7 am & 5 pm. He runs & chases but loves being chased the most. Squirrels are his arch enemy, birds are very interesting, hearing a duck quack makes his head tilt with curiosity, as if he knows what the means, but he's never been a hunter or heard a gun shot for all I know.

He leaves piles of fur wherever he goes, providing more evidence of his existence. Under each ear his hair is puppy soft and will melt in your hands if you scratch him there. He grunts and growls in his sleep, as his legs twitch and spasm. He barks at the neighbor who rides bicycle down his driveway, or the squirrel playing hide and seek with him in the shed. He's even spotted the hot air balloons that sail over head in the summer time.

He's Eve's assistant when she's working with other dogs. He knows what to do, with patience and firmness. He would never bite you in anger, unless you are sneaking into his house and you don't identify yourself. You can almost read his face to see his emotions. 

I love him and make every moment count with him because he's dying. He's got bone cancer. He's only 3 years old. It's not fair. The vet said 3 months, we’re over 2 months since. He looks really good, still eats well, goes for his walks and little jaunts around the yard. He’s still full of life.

Life is not fair and you have to learn to take what it gives you or it will drive you mad, insane, angry and isolated. I Know I am less afraid of death, considering who has gone before me, or who will.

I Love You Clark - Every moment I can. I will be there for you, to whatever end because I know you would do the same for me, without even thinking about it. Because you are living in the moment and know who loves you. Tomorrow is not your concern.

"Washing out mouths with a .357"

I heard this from a fellow co-worker today who is "all upset" about where our country is going. After he said it, I sat stunned in suspended silence wondering how or if I should respond.

My first thought was my response;

"I prefer to settle our political differences with ballots, not bullets".

"But we're becoming socialists!" was the reply.

"How"? was my query.

"Health care reform!"

I about lost it but kept my cool, I seriously tire of these kinds of words because they are flat out WRONG when describing that effort.

"How"? again was my response.

"Because it's all mandatory and I don't want to pay for some fucking deadbeat's health coverage!" Came the ugly words steeped in heavy ignorance. "It was forced down our throats!".

"Seriously? I take it you didn't vote for Obama?"

"HELLO NO!" as the anger rose like thick black smoke.

"So then you'd be surprised to know that 'mandatory coverage' was originally a Republican idea, before they were against the very same idea when it came from Obama's lips? And seriously, speaking of being forced down ones throat, I'm still choking on the Iraq War rationale with no explanations for the obvious fuck ups that cost Americans not only trillions but a helluva lot of blood."

"Huh?" came the voice, but not so full of conviction now.

"Yeah, I didn't support that effort; Mislead into war on shakey, cooked up intelligence, financed by tax cuts for those who can afford them. Can you give me an accounting for what we spent there?"

Before I could get another response, came another question;

"Do you think that health care needs to be reformed?"

"Well, yes, but not like this!"

"Well, yes I would agree with you to a point. But realize this, we would not be talking about health care reform if it wasn't for Obama. Republicans think that letting private insurance profit off of my health is okay. That pre-existing conditions, life time payout caps, co-pays and deductables are just how the health industry works and that my only affordable choices are through my employer. Now, those things are of the past and the Republicans voted no all down the line, just to protect private insurers. NOT ME!. So, before you aim that .357, make sure you have your facts straight. Personally, I'd rather talk things out than shoot them out."

"But we had no say!"

"Then WTF were all those town halls about and Republicans being invited to speak directly with the President to talk about our options? There was plenty of say."

"We weren't heard!"

"Seriously, I stopped listening when the opposing argument depicted a black man in effigy as Hitler. The rabid, and so far that I can see, all WHITE population screamed about Nazi Germany and socialism. That's crazy hypocritical shit. I have not forgotten who was in charge when our economy veered over a cliff (nor who supported him blindly), and it was NOT Obama. You need better reasoning than that for me to believe there's a reason why we shouldn't reform".

"But, but"

"Really dude. Where's the outrage for those who put us here? If anyone dared to speak ill of Bush, it made one a "Bush Hater". There was  time that we weren't even supposed to question the President during war time. Now, we call him a liar when he's speaking to the full congressional chamber. Explain that one to me."

"Well, I guess. But..."

If you cannot logically explain it to me as to where I can understand your point and in return you refuse to listen to me, ignoring and denegrating me in the process while scrambling for your guns, then don't be too surprised no one listens to you. You are wrong and attempt to overcome your faults with brute force upon your foes. There's been plenty of talk on this subject. It's not the results I was hoping for and quite frankly,  disappointed that we did not get a Public Option. But I guess this is a start. We certainly could not continue down the same heath care path, being put into the trust of private insurance, who's primary concern is their bottom line and not my health. It didn't take much study on the subject to know that unhealthy people are not profitable and are pushed out of the system or put on outrageously expensive plans with little to no coverage, and no other options.'

"Whoa, I guess you've been studying this then?"

"Yes I have for years, and my weapon has remained holstered the whole damn time! There's a reason why Republicans lost both houses of congress and the White House. They have themselves to blame, and until they recognize that fact they are going NOWHERE."

"Well, I still don't agree"

"No shit, but don't expect everyone to feel as you do. I'm an American too and I think our health care system was seriously flawed and immoral. Win an election and make the changes you deem necessary. Until then ABIDE BY THE RESULTS! (like I had to for 8 years under Bush). That's why I think the founding fathers made freedom of speech the 1st Amendment, and the right to bear arms the 2nd. So please, put down your fucking guns!

"Um, well yeah", came the voice, more calm but puzzled now.

'Let me tell you a story, I will try to keep it short. A very good friend of mine works for a govt agency that does minor home repairs for low income seniors. He see's all kinds of people in desperate conditions. Some in serious need some just assholes. Many are stuck in a sad and stressful situations, deciding between rent and paying for prescriptions or food. This is one story that made it very clear to me that health care must be reformed, must be affordable to all who need it and not run as a greed driven corporation with million/billion dollar executives at the wheel.";

In one run down, dumpy, low rent mobile court lived an old man with his wife. As the friend of mine was in their home doing his work, he noticed a really cool framed, large photo of a bunch of people standing around an actual space shuttle, from NASA. The old man noticed my friend looking it over.


"That's me", said the frail old voice as a boney finger pointed out a strapping young man in the group. My friend looked at him and back at the picture completely puzzled. "I was an engineer that helped design the original shuttle, that's the team I was on", he said rather proudly.


"But how did you end up here? asked my friend in astonishment.


"I got sick" he replied.

Please God No, not in Christian America!!!!

That's basically where my convo with my fellow employee ended and I'm sure I gave Mr 357 something to think about.

This could happen to anybody, it already has to countless thousands or even millions. Any hardworking, independent person seeking the American dream could end up just existing while their lives were ruined because their insurance let them down when they got sick.

IMMORAL!

So, complain all you want about the current state of affairs with health care. It is no where near as bad as the path we were on. You cannot be turned down due to pre-exisitng conditions. Now I want a public option to keep costs down and in check.

Please America, your love affair with guns scares me. Please use common sense. Please only use your gun if absolutely necessary.

Now is not one of those times, rarely is it ever.

Where do I go from here?

Time keeps on moving by and all I can do is sit and watch or duck and not even pay attention as it passes. I've abandoned my attempts to write while being taken in by my new Facebook page. There's been a distinct drop off in posts since I joined. It's fun and I like catching up to old acquaintences but it becomes addicting and has also kept me from following my true passions.

I have to find a way to get to that New Path I'm seeking. Days I wonder if I have it in me, others I know that writing is the way for me to get onto that path, and away from the one that is obviously wrong for me. Sort of hard to do in middle age, but sometimes you are reborn, or better yet, your true self comes out after you've had to fight your way down the wrong path.

I love writing about politics, as is shown in my previous works here. Lately it has been too depressing for me to follow and I don't want it to bring me down. Life in general has been tough and has taken it's toll on me, which has affected my ability to change paths. I can always come up with reasons not to, yet I love to write. I wish so much that writing was the path I started on because that is truly where my interests lie. I learn all about the technical world that I work in and become quite proficient, but not very fulfilled, which later leads to unhappiness which is where my trail has led me to.

There's a story about our trip to California that I took as a kid here on my blog, never finished. Seems to be the story of my life; I start something but get destracted or lose interest and never finish. I need to find the drive and energy to get me there instead of parking my ass on the couch and channel surfing or updating Facebook. Some way to make it happen.

Joseph Campbell is/was so right when you seek your bliss. When you find it, it no longer becomes work but your life and everything flows. In technical terms, you get maximum power from source to load with your impedence (resistance) matches. I hate work, it gives me too much stress and little to no satisfaction. It does help pay my way, but being on the corporate payroll knowing that the company could be sold and my job gone, espeically in these tough economic times. Having control over my path, instead of being led down one is where I will find my bliss. How to write and make a living when I've never done anything of the like before is rather daunting. But I am weary of the stress and anxiety that comes with being on the wrong path. It's a constant fight and struggle for your livelihood. A double edged sword, I can totally live without my job for the rest of my life, yet I can't because of the committments I have made. It's more than just me.

So, where do I go from here? What do I write about? Along with writing I really enjoy making people laugh and feel my sense of humor is another area of bliss to seek out. Life is hard, having a laugh makes it easier to get through. I am so thankful that I can provide for my family and that we do have a warm, safe place to sleep and get away from the masses where we are fed and find ourselves again.

How do I do these things, to follow my bliss and keep my life in order? Can I make the change or am I predestined to stay on this unhappy trail? It starts with changing who I am, finding the strength and courage to do it, and the stamina to take it the distance.

This post isn't really for anybody but myself. Are you on your right path, or is the path leading you elsewhere? Have you ever considered that you are actually on one in the first place? Those are the questions I would ask of you. I ask them of me all the time. But action is what's needed. All the talking in the world won't get there.

I plan on sticking to my strengths and will continue with politcal commentary as well as the comedy that life can be. Politics are wide and varied, beliefs are common yet many unalike. I feel I must speak on behalf of my country when I see fellow citizens misapplying it's intended purpose and meaning. Distorting our past and how we got here.

Maybe there's some stand up comedy in me, I need to know that. To do so, I must overcome internal fears of who I am and that rejection is a distinct possiblity but know that it's okay if you feel you are doing your best.

All I know is, that I cannot continue down this current path. I see no future, as if it drops right off a cliff. There is a path within sight, but it's rough and not very clear. It's gonna take work.

Dear God, please give me strength to make it so.

Bill

Proud To Be An American

From January 19, 2010;



I loved watching the President take one Republican talking point after another and without hesitation, answer with conviction and state his purpose while returning the fire. Yet again, asking for cooperation from a room full of do-nothings, but this time laying on the line. This has to be the best hour I've spent in quite some time. This is something certainly that his predecessor could not do; think and speak on his feet in a room full of political opponents, all by himself. Cons whine and complain about being left out of the process, when that's exactly what they were doing when they held the government firmly in their grip under Bush. They did it their way and now America is suffering the results. Tax cuts do little to keep people working and do wonders to create mind boggling deficits while a few profit ungodly amounts.

I've lived the conservative mantra, locally and nationally, seen it's results know that it is wrong for this country. Again and again it's proven to me and yet the Republicans while foaming at the mouth aggressive on the attack, turn into pathetic whining sore losers who are more concerned about the well being of their party than the country they love so much when they are called out. Pathetic Fox News wouldn't cover the whole Q&A, cutting away during the discussion, later bad mouthing about his treatment of those poor white folk. Obviously it made Republicans look very bad, but I think they stopped showing it because the typical Fox viewer would lose interest after a few minutes, and Obama took thrashed them for over an hour. Most wouldn't be able to stick with anything that long unless it were a stock car race anyways.

It's been a damn long time since I've felt proud of my country and I applaud my president!