Chronicles 3:11 - l'essence d'Autobus / parfumer l'overdose

2/2/2009 - Woodinville Park and Ride. So early, the roosters are snoozing hours before announcing daybreak. Early beyond consciousness. Is this a dream or am I awake? Apparently it's Monday morning, dark, chilly around freezing and the sky is a clear deep blue, some stars visible. I walked to my bus stop at Macks Corner today instead of driving down to the park and ride. It's about a 10 minute walk, aside from dodging the few cars that pass by in the darkness, it's rather pleasant take in some crisp fresh air before getting on the bus with my fellow passengers. Especially since you never know what kind of air you will find once on the bus. All was fine after boarding until the bus made it to the park and ride a few minutes later and the commuterobots started boarding.


My nose grimaced....


Could it be a candle shop?


How about one of those bath and body stores?


Did someone spill their coffee at a perfume counter?


Is someone burning incense?


Or is this a rolling gas chamber??



Nope, it's the rather large lady who just collapsed into the seat next to me. Not only did someone nearly break my hip, they got a great deal on perfume at Wal Mart. Perfume overdose, my sinuses burn, my lungs have seized. I bury my nose into my scarf. It doesn't even help. We look at each other, I say nothing verbally, my face is wrinkled up as if I've take a big bite of of a lemon (with rind still intact), hoping she'd catch the hint. Her face didn't change expression; either slight anger or mingled unhappiness with a touch of disgruntlement. Apparently, she was having a case of "the Mondays" and is trying to hide it under an ocean of perfumey sweetness.

Stinging eyes, headaches and nausea. If I had anything in my stomach I would have gladly donated it to the cause. Anything to rid myself of the overpowering noxious fumes. It's as if the air became solid. A quick draw in of breath could chip a tooth (as well as change odor to taste). Even my latte had a taste of unpleasant if not toxic, sweetness. It's so bad, I can almost hear it through my headphones.


I had planned on dedicating one post to all the smells I've encountered since riding the 311. This subject has provided me a wealth of info that will be hard to put into one post so I will dedicate one for each I have found on a Metro bus. Perfume overdose is the biggest offender. I'd rather smell a rancid wet fart, at least the heavy hanging green air biscuit will go away in a few seconds unlike the permeating, throat clenching smell that weighs as much as an anchor and is as sweet as sugar.

I swear I could still smell the funkiness hours after getting off the bus. I hope my wife doesn't think that I've been fooling around. Once my stop came, she slowly rose to let me out. Not even looking at her, I made for the door and leapt down the stairs for a breath of outside air. Diesel fumes greeted me on the sidewalk. Still, it smelled better than Saddam's mobile WMD lab I just escaped from.



Why do people saturate themselves with heavy perfumes and scents? Are they trying to cover up something funky? Have they lost their ability to smell? I'm not really sure, but for those of us left to suck it up it can be miserable. I've gotten better at dealing with it as I've ridden, but you really don't ever get over it fully. Perhaps I should have said something to her but then I would have had to take in even more polluted air. Maybe I should just make a little sign with comments on it, like "YOU REEK!" or "I'M GONNA DIE OVAH HEAH!". That way I wouldn't have to taste the perfume soaked odor.


Of all the odors I have encountered, this has to be the worst. Today I did my best to ignore it, which wasn't easy. If there's a second time however, I will have to let my feelings be known. Either that or I'll load up on beans and beer the night before my next ride and fight stench with sickening stench!