Chronicles 311 - Riding Down Memory Lane

I guess I have another little story to relate before riding off into the dawn when my new schedule takes effect next week, so the story continues from the original.

Being naturally curious about history I must not forget my roots, where I came from (or went to riding the 311). For some reason I haven't related this story before, not sure if I forgot or thought I already had covered it. Looking back, I apparently never written about the time I was nearly crushed by an over over burdened, rather large woman.

These were the days when the economy still had jobs and the commute was a severely packed cattle truck, stopping and going with the rest of western Washington. I was riding later because I worked 8-4:30 in those days, not the 7-3:30 when I started riding it again.

Riding earlier has it's advantages;

1. Traffic is much lighter
2. Commute is much faster
3. Less commuters on the bus
4. Less "new and interesting people" to meet

Riding later has it's disadvantages;

1. It sucks

Here's one of the reasons why;


This journey began as a trip to work, during the winter. I do not recall which day or month (mostly because during the winter they all look the same: gray, dark, wet, blustery) but it was the typical chilly wetness that permeates the sodden sponge that is western Washington in winter.

At this time, I was walking down to the corner to catch the bus, even though the park and ride is only a 5 minute drive away, but that meant I'd have to deal with the line Nazi as well as a million or so more commuters to compete with. The walk was actually refreshing, that is until I climbed aboard 311. Okay, enough of the scene setting, on with the story...

It began as the bus was loading from the park and ride and I was sitting all the way in the back corner against the window. All riders had appeared to have loaded, and I was lucky enough to find the seat next to me still vacant. Even the tiniest amount of space is huge and can make a big difference in your commute if you're not plastered to the window or in constant close contact with your fellow rider. It's the little things that you cling to. I did notice that the bus was not moving, even though everyone appeared to make it aboard.

Then I saw her, the white elephant in the room (literally, she was wearing white and nearly the size of one) laden down with a shopping bag, purse, laptop bag, newspaper tucked under one arm holding a Starbucks latte clearing a path down the aisle. My moment of tiny euphoria, my little teeny bubble was stomped and flattened with each step she took in my direction.

Five normal sized people can fit on the rear bench seat. Four is bearable, three or less is optimum. I was one of four, soon to be five, six, seven, eight, nine and apparently ten because she spotted the opening next to me and was slowly moving towards it like a cargo ship looking to dock on the pier. Finally she made it to the back and turned to sit, sort of juggling every thing in her hands and arms and paused. The bus started with a jerk and she collapsed backwards into the seat, landing hard on me, her purse landing in my lap, elbowing me  right in the chest. She then shifted a little bit and retrieved the purse, glaring at me in silence before putting her 47 bags and other shit on the floor in front of her, and stuffing the other 39 on the "shelf" behind the seat (which has a sign that says "Do not place anything in this area while the bus is in motion").

That woke me up and also pissed me off as I took one of my ear plugs out. Not a word about her entrance, or apology. Her girth forced quite a bit of body on body contact, pushing me sideways against the window. I let out a great big sigh and she looked at me and said "I need more room!" in a rather angry voice, fierce eyebrows ready to flip the bus over.

Many thoughts raced through my mind as I looked at her in utter disbelief. "What the hell is she thinking?" topped the list. Amazingly unaware of her own ability to be a royal pain in the ass, she's boldly flaunting it. I look her right in the eye and ask; "You want more room?" with gritted teeth.

"Yes!" she bellowed. I thought one of her eyeballs popped.

"Go on a diet!" I offered.

"Oh!" she gasped while I stuffed my ear plug back in and turned up my mp3 player. Two people sitting right in front of me started laughing, the guy sitting on the other side of her gave a smirk of agreement, others just looking at some commotion. She looked at me, with her lips moving as the music played. I too smirked before looking away, out the window and tried to ignore her bulk on mine. The tunes cranked and her jawbone flew up and down, but I couldn't hear anything she was saying, nor did I want to, even if she did finally offer an apology. I certainly don't treat people like that, besides that leaves a terrible first impression. I still see this lady on the bus from time to time and I have never forgotten her rudeness.

We stopped at the next park and ride to let more people cram their way on, the aisle filled with standing people for the rest of the ride into Seattle. Nothing more was said as she read her paper and drank her coffee. It was quite a show as she managed to hold the cup and turn pages all at the same time, which made it hard to ignore, but I managed as I held my body position in this rolling human jigsaw.

Finally the bus made it to downtown and I dislodged my bag from between my legs, making obvious motions that I'm getting off on the next stop, yet apparently not noticed by Ms Delightful Bulkiness. Others got up a little before the next stop so I made my move. Startled to noticing, she quickly stood up to get out of the way. "FINALLY!" I thought, but alas, she managed to mess that up too by tipping her nearly empty latte cup on on the guy sitting on the other side of her, dribbling espresso onto his clothes.

"Lady!!" he yelled, throwing the cup aside. A large bru ha ha ensued in my wake as I managed to tip toe around the fracas, and won't repeat the language filling the back of the bus upon my exit.

I stepped onto the curb and greeted a typical gray Seattle winter day, dreary, chilly, wet, blustery with a lot of gray. The sun totally diffused by low dark clouds and a heavy dampness in the air.

I was never so happy to see it.